Our Patch

Oh wow, two months flew by. This by far is the most amazing, challenging, frustrating and fulfilling time of my life. All the emotions mixed in such a short time. Having Hunter the first time was by far easier than this second time. I breezed through everything and felt I was able to adjust quite well and fast easily. Paxton’s arrival was a bit of a rollercoaster with me giving birth without my husband and an epidural. Although it was hands-down more challenging--- I could honestly say Paxton’s story coming into my life is as beautiful and as memorable as it could possibly be--- because aside from receiving another biggest gift that is my son, I was able to go beyond my perceived limits. I was able to see how strong I am and how much more I can BE. 

I remember in college talking about “tabula rasa” in one’s personality at birth. It stuck with me and through the years I was able to come to a conclusion that it’s not so much on the “nurture” aspect but the “nature” of the person that ultimately defines his life. We all have little personalities and temperaments from the very beginning.  The “nurture” aspect that affects our personality is dependent on that “nature” one already has.

My prayer has always been this--- to be the kind of wife and mother my family needs.  Although I know I have strong beliefs and values as a mother that defines my parenting style, I can see now that I have to adjust what will work with each child.

My boys "meeting" for the first time-- I love this photo of us. So real and happy.

Paxton and Hunter couldn’t be more different as babies--- that much I can tell in two months. My little Pax is a bit of a chubby fireball. He is so healthy and strong and came out howling as if announcing his entry to the world. He still “howls” every now and then. =) 

Hunter on the left at two and a half months and Paxton, my chubby teddy bear on the right filling up the suit at six weeks.

My boys loving my favorite season---Fall

Hunter’s arrival was uneventful, fast and relatively easy. Paxton’s birth was the opposite. I thought it will be so much easier the second time around but like every child is different---every birth is different as well.

I could still feel the needle going in when I was getting stitched up. I have always known I have a really high tolerance for pain. I’m one of those pregnant women who go around doing normal things until the very last minute. In both pregnancies, I went to the hospital already in labor and ready to give birth. I arrived at the hospital the first time with Hunter at ten thirty in the morning and gave birth before five in the afternoon.

Paxton was even speedier than his kuya. I arrived at midnight and gave birth not even three hours after. Hours before that I was still laughing, having dinner and a boba drink with my family while monitoring my contractions at the same time. =/

I never thought I could give birth without epidural and anesthesia although my pain tolerance is high.  I remember reading my pocketbooks and thinking thank God I was born this time where there are more medical advancement and epidural in particular. Not knowing that I would experience one of the most excruciating physical pains in the world. I would always look back with both disbelief and amazement and more respect for women before me who had to go through that.

They say you get superpowers when you become a mom---and I can attest to that. But I think it’s not so much because of the superpowers that make one do seemingly impossible things but the super yet natural and unconditional love you feel for these little creatures that you help bring into this world.

Every night after I feed Pax and both boys drift into sleep and I’m left exhausted but unable to sleep, I just look at my children and watch them sleep as all mothers do. I keep reminding myself, these will pass; Someday these will just be memories. They wouldn’t know the little details like how I watch dateline nonstop late at night to be able to keep myself up to give them MY best and finish some work to the bigger more poignant parts like how much their father’s heart ached to be so far away from us to give his boys the best.

 They wouldn’t know first-hand but we would as parents and these stories are like little patches wherein a family is a quilt. It is what makes the whole—these little patches of memories, moments and stories we make at each time in our lives. It feels so physically draining but spiritually fulfilling.

I remember my sister Hazel always saying how much she loves this season in our lives. How she can fit all her three boys in her arms at the same time and how needed she is by her children--- I feel the same way about this patch in our quilt.

Six weeks after Pax's arrival-- we are easing into our new lives quite well.