We Begin and End with Family

I just realized that my blog is sending off some somber vibes these days. I have to do something about that. Lately, when I feel the need the blog are those times I’m not at all feeling high.

Today is a Saturday and our first weekend alone as a family after more than three months. My dad just left two days ago and I’m feeling the blues again. I’m blogging from their old master bedroom that I claimed for myself as my big walk-in closet/ woman cave. I love coming here and just being alone but today it felt emptier than any other time in the last six years since they moved away.

I guess one good thing about being the only one so far away from my family, every time I’m with any of them is savored.

Each moment is carefully curated in my mind to look back on days I’m feeling alone and missing them.

Every activity, however mundane it may be is etched in memory even though at the back of my head I always wonder about when will the next time be.

I realized the most ordinary things we do, the most everyday routines are the ones we remember the most --- and miss the most.

Every little moment is a little bit more special.

Today, I’m missing some people in Chicago a wee bit more than the usual, this morning the ache is more gnawing.

Today, I will cuddle with my husband and son, hug them a little bit more and remind myself that I’m not alone and as long as I have family, both the one I came from and the one I’m creating--- I’ll never be alone.

So my mama left yesterday after a very brief vacay in Manila. I am still trying to get over my sadness of her leaving. I guess being so far away from them will always remind me from time to time how much I miss them and miss out on so many things. 

The last three weeks made me regress to my younger self, being cooked for and taken care of. 

I miss those times and its not even 48 hours since my mom left--- and I miss her even more.

I love you, Mama. I hope you had a great vacay. Counting the days until I can be with you again. 

See you soon, Lola

Monday Musings

Just Start.

This applies to anything in life. I’ve been slacking off, putting off doing things. Always thinking I deserve the break and there’s ample time. I was sadly reminded that that’s not the case.

My dog died today and it was the saddest I’ve been in a long while. I wasn’t expecting it would hit me as hard because although we’ve had pets before, I’ve never been this attached and invested to a dog before. My golden lab was the sweetest, most playful dog in the world and when Paolo called to tell me about the bad news, I just bawled for the whole morning. I realized I was crying also because I took for granted the time he was with me, thinking we had more.

So now, I am reminded of something I’ve always known, have always worked for me and yet I keep on forgetting: Just Start.

Start writing again, start on my projects I’ve put off, start on Hunter’s lessons, start on my workout regimen, JUST START and keep moving forward.

I’ll miss you Bullet. Thanks for all the happy times.

So, so sad...

I loved him so much in Spartacus.



RIP Andy Whitfield, you'll always be Spartacus to me.