I’ve always been scared about losing a loved one, somebody really close to me. Not just a relative, but somebody I choose to love, not because I have to.
When Tatay passed away last year, I was his only grandchild who saw him lying lifeless in his bed and I felt such a blow in my heart that I will never forget, it was only moments after he left.
I remember touching his hand, knowing it will be the last time.
I remember kissing his forehead, knowing I will never smell his scent again.
I saw people crying when they lose someone and although I’m emotional and expressive, I never thought I would react that way.
I remember hearing myself groaning so loudly, it sounded so elemental. It just went out from me.
Death is so much like losing one’s innocence. It’s irreversible that once you know about it, you cannot go back to what you've known before. You will always know about that helpless longing for someone you will only be with through memories. Death changes you, forever.
I miss TATAY very much.
In honor of my grandpa, I'm posting my all-time favorite entries here and here.
I love you, Tatay. Always and Forever.
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