emote...

Lost for words. Regression. Moti relapse.

afternoon musings*

I just said bye to ate honey after two hours of Ym-babad. Felt a bit of a biting sadness. Somewhat like touching an ice unknowingly, you only notice it after 10 seconds or so...

Sometimes we don't know how much we miss someone unless we get to talk to them. Less than two months and I'll be saying hello again to 320 Grant in Downers Grove, Famous Dave's, Egg harbour and joy yee and yeah, the yanca-doodle and the new baby lorenzo! Ooooh joy!

oomph

I love to laze around and all but I'm a bouncing ball of fire when I'm all set for a project. I always tell Paolo, I'll be an alpha male if I were a man. Yesterday I was in a deep cake fixation, looking for just the right cake design and flavor all day. I was a bride on a mission with a really big inspiration. I guess its not unlike looking for the perfect gown, you just have to keep looking before you can have the aha! moment. I've always loved Rachel Ashwell's Shabby Chic look and I'm striving on getting my wedding at that level of creativity: The softness, the "english-garden-ladies-having-afternoon-tea" look. I find it at times challenging explaining my concept and vision to my suppliers and potential wedding coordinators, I end up designing everything single-handedly. Although I fear that it may end up being more shabby than chic with my state of mind right now. At present, all I'm aiming for: find the perfect supplier for the right cake, getting into a comfortable level with my event florist (Flowers Unlimited) with spring and soft flowers I have in mind and finding the right wedding coordinator who will be more of a shrink than a tyrant. After interviewing five wedding coordinators, I've realized I hate, hate, hate know-it-alls who think they have better ideas for my wedding than I do. They don't. After going through four debuts and three weddings of my sisters unscathed, I sure well know what I want. Its ironic when I'm at my creative peak im also in a muddled state. I have too much energy for one project. I sometimes wish I have a jumperoo like my niece Yanca to spend it on...

Anyway, after posting about my Pink bag lust, I had two very strong oppositions from my bestfriend Jana and my sister Tiff, so no, hold your horses. Its quite tempting but I dont think after all the self-proclaimed semi-fabness in my life, I'm credible enough to carry an Hermes bag, even its likeness. Its a cheap simulation (ok, a knock-off). It was tempting for a moment, yes...Well, hello back to my dooneys.

crawling into my cocoon

I just got back from a one day recuperation in Calumpit, Bulacan--my grandparents' place. It was a welcome break and I was glad I went with my Ma the last minute. I felt a bit sad seeing them again, I guess they have this certain look imprinted in my mind when I was little and seeing them older makes me a bit sad, I just want to hold them and freeze time so they won't get any older than they are now. It was my nanay's 76th birthday and also the little town's fiesta so it was a sort of a time travel for me. Its like the place is untouched by the changing times. From the old ladies dancing on the streets in the parade, the "Poons" being paraded, to our mini villa, the stuff inside the house make me a bit nostalgic. I guess I have more memories from Bulacan than my older sisters who have more memories from Mindoro. I woke up yesterday morning because of the chirping of the birds, I may sound like a fruitcake but I could just gush about it on and on. I just ate the whole day and lazed around the beautiful place. I thought to myself, everyone should have a little piece of heaven like this. A safe cocoon where you can crawl at times when the world seems a bit too big and crowded and life too uncertain. It shouldn't just be a beautiful place but a place where its charm lies in its memories.

One thing really nice about the little villa aside from its airy, relaxed atmosphere is its very beautiful garden. I've seen a lot of gardens but what's most charming about the place is its single-handedly maintained and taken care of by my nanay. You can see really well that every flower, even the swing maintained all these years (All our cousins' fave spot), hold something, a story only those who experienced them can tell. Its not the same when we were younger when my tatay can cook the whole day and nanay can flutter nonstop around the house. Time slowed them down. Alzheimer's made my Grandpa a bit too trying at times. My tatay held Paolo captive for two hours with his incessant talk about the past and Paolo, bless him (i'm proud of him!) held on like a brave man. =) Its sad when you see the place unchanged, unmoved by time yet the two people, the very people who made the place magical seem getting older: greying, fading...and you can't do anything about it except make good memories and someday... someday, hopefully, they may be enough.

The curious case of the missing invites

I was boggled yesterday about a certain discovery. A discovery that surprisingly somehow shook me to the core. It was one of those None-the-wiser cases except to those who are the main characters of the story and sadly I was part of it. I may actually be the main character or the nemesis, whichever angle you are looking at it from...Although I must admit after a few sleuthing here and there, my discovery is quite refreshing. Hey, I live a relatively semi-fabulous, semi-charmed life that can be quite dull at times and little jolts here and there are a welcome change in the monotony. ( Are you excited yet, madamusha? ;) ) Sometimes little doses of Machiavellian can be quite healthy, eh?

weeding out the undesirables

thank God that I still get to have therapies aka deep convos with my bessie even if she's in l.a. and we're in different time zones. Here's a chick who's genuinely happy for the events in my life right now.I swear i'd rather ym with her for hours than talk to some people face-to-face in my life. Which brings me to the main topic of our convo last night. Weeding out the guest list. One of the stressful things is trying to come up with a list of people to invite in our wedding. Its so easy to say just invite those you like and who likes you back genuinely. Its so highschool but I'm realizing sometimes it's not as easy as it should be.

I figured the operational term here is genuine. Well, duh.

New blog!

Welcome to me! yay! After a long while of pondering if I'm going to start a blog and be real anal about it, I finally started one. My blogspace at my friendster account doesnt have space anymore. Although I'm bipolar with these things (now you see me, soon you wont) I 'll try my best to write from time to time just so I don't have to write 5 emails to my sisters and bestfriend to update them with what's going on.

I just got engaged! Yay again! but I must admit at first it was a bit scary...prolly 'coz I'm the kind of person who enjoys being a smoocher, ehr I mean single. Being the youngest girl, not having too many responsibilities, I feel like I'm a twelve-year old getting married. Marriage is such a big thing, right now, (I know it's bad...) I'm more focused on the wedding and all the hoo-hahs. I'm still deciding on the theme, menu, gifts, invitations, etc. Although this particular picture of pink peonies and hydrangeas jumpstarted the whole thing. Its as fun as I thought it would be but more stressful than I expected!

Well. the ride has just began..