I must admit I’m a bit high-maintenance. I lug my essentials in at least three bags. That’s just for one day. That’s because I need to bring everything from the books I’m reading and my jewelry projects as of the moment to useless knick knacks that I think I might need while I’m away; which proves otherwise most of the time. On a daily basis if I want to stay in my parents’ house, I need to cart in three huge bags and drag them back to our house at the end of the day.
I thought having 2 houses is actually an advantage. It is, supposedly. Alternating between two houses, I must admit has its perks like bigger storage; I have two closets, two nice bedrooms, and a break from the routine. But the boon proves to be the bane as well. Sometimes when I need to wear something or use something, it is sadly at the other house. It is not as if I’m not used to this. I used to stay in a dorm when I was in college and go home over the weekends. But still, it’s different when you are talking about two houses which both equally feel like home. I thought at the start of this arrangement, we will have one “base house” and just go check the other house from time to time. I didn’t think this would be possible. The hubby is bent on enforcing that by making us stay more in our house than in my parents’ place but it still feels… confusing. Sometimes, I don’t really know what to write as my address.
I wake up everyday debating where I will be staying for the day. That is tiring. As much as I want to focus on my new home, I am always driven by guilt not staying in my parents’ house. Whenever I’m not there, I worry about having the house looked after by other people, if they are doing things right knowing how much my parents love taking care of their home. I remember during Ondoy and the earthquake, all I could think about was my mother's ridiculously priced Lladró collection, and how much I wanted to go back to check them.But still, it is not ours, it's not our house. As much as I feel that responsibility in taking charge with my parents' house and business, I also know I have to start building my new life with my husband.
I must admit, this is also the reason why I keep on putting off my house projects. Although we stay in two houses, I don’t feel any sort of ownership to any of the two. I feel at home at both houses, but I don't have that sense of control. It is hard enough to plunge into a (relatively) new role. I guess even if it has been a year already since we got married, the transition is still slow. I haven’t been taking charge because of this arrangement. But if I were to concentrate all my efforts in building a home rather than maintaining two houses, I think I’ll be that kind of domesticated diva I’ve always imagined myself to be.
Does that make sense? I’m not sure.
*sigh.
4 comments:
You are a diva, thus divas have lots of houses.. You can do it Ice, :) make-over the 2 houses because for now you both own it!!
may ganun? hehehe
Hi Isabel! I'll put your blog on my blogroll ha, i enjoy reading your post! Anyway, may I also suggest some of your post about domestication be posted in a blog made for domesticated divas like us www.inadvertentlydomesticated.com
Anyway, I so can relate! I live on a pad with my husband that my in-laws gave him, but still I feel like I have no control over it, it's not that i'm complaining but like you, i can't start my house project because i feel like the house we have is not our home. But nevertheless, i'm trying to be a good wife & mother in every sense of the word :)
Im sure you are Jackie. =) You make it look good! =) I guess its really a process.
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